Goto Part 1

In order to dissolve the invisible wall of loneliness that surrounds us, and keeps us separate even from those we care for the most, there are three vital steps we must learn how to practice. The first step we dealt with in the last issue was Awareness. The second step, which we will look at this time, is Authenticity. Authenticity can also be thought of as sincerity, simplicity, or just "being who you are".

When we have relationship problems, or are feeling lonely,we try to spice things up by presenting a wonderful image of ourselves, making promises, trying to be better, or give more. It's always a question of do - do - do. We feel we must work hard to earn love and keep the relationship flowing. But before we arrive at true action that builds real connection, there is a crucial step that must be taken. We must first be real ourselves, be authentic - true to ourselves and to the other. We must, one way or another, take off the masks that hide our true face.Actually, it is the mask itself that keeps us separate and lonely hiding behind a false self.

A wonderful quote about this was written by the great teacher Lao Tse. He said, "Give up, sirs, your proud airs, your wishes, mannerisms and extravagant claims. They don't do you any good, sir! That's all I have to tell you."

There is no deeper gift you can give another than who you truly are. In fact, this wonderful present helps the other to be who they are as well. When we stop struggling and pushing to be loved, wanted and approved of, and start the process of being who we are, of knowing and accepting ourselves moment by moment, we start the amazing process of building true bridges between ourselves and all of life.

Our entire life consists of building bridges. Each person we meet is another bridge, another link, a new way to deep the love and understanding we can become capable of. Yet, so few of us know how to do this. In a sense we are all like longing for the light while we keep our petals closed. There is plenty of sun and light available, but if we are closed we cannot let it in. If we are hidden behind false masks, fronts, games and images, we cannot reach out to touch or be touched.

In order to become authentic we must look closely at the roles we play,the identities we cherish so much. These roles, dreams and images are often exactly that which keep us secure in our loneliness. Roles can be hypnotic. We can fall in love with a role or fantasy of who we are or who the other is. This never lasts long though, and it can come as quite a shock to us when the person drops this role and we are face to with someone different - or face to face with ourselves.

Exercise: Take a few minutes and look at this carefully. Look for a moment at what being "authentic" means to you. Write it down. Write down when you allow yourself to do it, and how you feel then. Also, take some time to look at the roles you use to hide in. See if, little by little, you can let them go, and allow yourself to respond naturally to the person you are with and what the moments presents to you, ever fresh, ever new.

©2007

Show All Articles By Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D.