How to get from I to we? How to dissolve the invisible wall of loneliness, separation and misunderstanding most of us surround ourselves with and become available to the relationships we crave so much?

To begin, we must understand what it is that drives us within and will cause trouble and symptoms of all kinds, if it is not listened to and and fulfilled. There are 3 fundamental needs that all human beings have and that they will do anything to fulfill. The first need is for love, the second need is for more love and the third need is for even more love than that. We are all born with very hungry hearts. When we listen to our endless wishes, dreams, plans, symptoms, and complaints, if we open our heart to what is underneath them, we can easily realized that all of our assorted cravings boil down to one need only - the need to be known and accepted for who we are. The need to be acknowledged - all a form of the need for love. Is this an impossible dream? No. There are specific steps we can take to make this a reality in our lives and the lives of others. (This particular journey can't be taken alone. As you perceive others, you will also perceive yourself-as you treat others, the same treatment will be returned to you).

In order to embark upon these new steps in our lives, first we must develop three aspects of our being that may be dormant in us right now. These three aspects area Awareness, Authenticity, and Courage. Living from these qualities will bring a new sense of spirit into our lives. Einstein said you can't get out of a problem by using the same thinking that got you into it. In the same way, we can't get out of a rut, or an emotional habit pattern, by using the same kind of behavior we had in the past. Awareness, helps us wake up to how and who we are right now. Instead of blocking out, rationalizing, or hiding from what we are doing, Awareness practice, helps us open our eyes. We take a look, we listen. This can also be called assuming responsibility, or growing up.

Awareness is simple, but not easy. It asks us to become aware of what we are doing, moment by moment, taking note of what we are feeling, sensing and thinking. It does not ask us to judge or change ourselves, but simply to become aware. The moment judgment, criticism and upset come in, oddly enough awareness is blocked. Just awareness itself is a great, powerful teacher, like turning the light on in a dark room. By becoming aware of something, over and over, that thing, by itself, begins to change. Awareness is a way of making friends with ourselves. This is crucial for us to do and something most of us have avoided our whole life long.

The first step in getting from I to We, in forming long lasting, satisfying relationships, is developing intimacy with who we are right now - making our own acquaintance. As we embark upon the exquisite journey of discovering and accepting ourselves, our ability to do this with another develops. Without knowing and accepting who we are, and how we change, moment by moment, how can we ever know or truly accept someone else?

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©2007

Show All Articles By Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D.