Men and women have different values and different ways of accessing intimacy in their relationships. We all desire intimacy and want our partner to also be our best friend. Men are generally motivated visually and tactilely, initially looking for a physical bonding. Women, by contrast, are generally auditory, motivated by emotion and initially looking for emotional bonding. So how do we bridge the gap? There are a few easy and simple techniques that can help you bond and obtain a deeper intimacy.

First of all, talk to your partner, not at them. How do you talk to your best friend, the person you go to when you have a problem and need his or her opinion? Think of that situation and then use that same approach with the man or woman in your life. Listen to what he / she has to say. Really hear your partner's words and how he / she say them as well as the tone is used when your partner speaks.

Do you have any dreams for your future? Share them with your partner. Women especially love to hear about their partner's dreams and goals, but there are many men who do as well. Ask your partner about their dreams and goals for the future and listen without making comments or judgments. Most importantly, no matter how silly you think their dreams may be, remember that your partner believes in them and has hope for them. As vulnerable and/or afraid as you are that your partner might reject you when you share your dreams, this is the same way that he / she feels when sharing his / hers. Never laugh at your partners dreams or abuse the knowledge that your partner gives you. Encourage your partner to continue dreaming and, if you can, try to help him / her obtain their dreams.

One of the techniques I learned in a seminar I attended a while ago was what I call "soul gazing" (I don't remember the name they used in the class, but it's how I felt when I used it, so I named it that). I would wager that you don't have a clue what I am talking about. No problem; let me explain. Sit on a comfortable cushion on the ground.  For the man, put your legs out in front of you. Make sure that you are comfortable and will be comfortable with the weight of the woman in your life on your lap. For the woman, sit on your partners lap with your legs wrapped around his waist and loosely cradled around his back (not tight).

Take each others hands and look into each others eyes. Don't talk and don't touch any more than holding each other's hands. Doing this, look deeply into each other's eyes for at least 15 minutes. You will be amazed at how much deeper your intimacy will become if you do this at least once a week.

You can actually feel your partner. I have had many couples who, after trying this technique for the first time, tell me how much it really enhanced their relationship and what an incredible experience it was.

Jaci Rae
©2006

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