I recently listened to a sermon about "Being Happy" in which many happiness experts were quoted, including the Dalai Lama. Afterwards, I spoke with the lecturer, telling him that I disagree with the Dalai Lama. Later, I thought, "I am being audacious, disagreeing with the Dalai Lama." Thinking about it further I realized that if the Dalai Lama is as humble as is reported, he would be the first to agree that he is only human and does not have all the answers. I do not have all the answers either, and I have concerns about this golden goal of "being happy."

The desire to "be happy" has driven people. For many years, it has driven many people to be greedy, to have more money, bigger houses, more education/knowledge, more powerful cars, more trips, etc. And, as many have found, these things and experiences do not lead to happiness.

Happiness is a feeling that, like all feelings, comes and goes, according to what is going on around us or within us. When we are respectful and aware of our feelings, they give us vital information. We need all our feelings. It would be inappropriate for us to feel happy when we see something going on that is sad or frightening. If we experience something about which we feel sad, afraid, or angry, it is reasonable for us to feel those feelings and try to do something to improve the situation. After those actions have improved the situation, we will have natural happy feelings. What we can do in our daily lives is to find ways to fully experience and know when we are feeling happy.

I agree with the Dalai Lama that mindfulness can help us have more happy moments. Paying close attention to my thoughts and feelings often leads me to laughing at the funny ways my psyche works. Another aspect of mindfulness that is helpful is in letting go of thoughts and feelings. When I notice that I am trying hard to "be happy," I can also realize that the effort to "be happy" often sets me up to feel as if I've failed. Feeling as if I've failed leads to sad feelings. So, letting go of trying to be happy can create a space for that feeling to emerge.

I agree with the research suggesting that people who serve others, have more happy moments in their day than others. However, it concerns me that people may try to get into a service industry (to be happy) before they have learned how to be understanding and empathetic. This can lead to the failure of helpful efforts and confound the efforts of others. Self-understanding, and self-awareness are vital for those in the service industry. Trying to fulfill the ethic "First, do no harm", is quite complex and, at times, difficult. Most people who have spent most of their life working in the service industry will understand this. If you have raised a few children, you will understand that when you give to one child, you might be taking away from another child. This metaphor can be used on a much larger scale. An individual who has worked as an administrator for social services can recognize that by giving to one program, she may be taking from another program. When two people working on a team have a conflict, it is easy to blame one person, at the expense of the other person. The service industry is full of many problems. Self-awareness is vital in the service industry. The ability to listen to our feelings (all of them) as well as our thoughts helps us have the social awareness needed to make positive contributions in the social services industry.

The goal of "being happy" is a healthy goal. I believe a better goal is being aware of all our feelings. It is through appreciation of all of our feelings that we can increase self-awareness, understanding and empathy. Then we are much more able to be of service to others and, again, happy feelings will come easily and naturally.

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Anne Ream
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